miss adventures

Just Say No

Very strong coffee in the morning always takes me back to certain memories of Italy. I think of the Autogrills by the highways, where we so often pulled over from some crack-of-dawn drive to another town, another airport. The roads and bars were pretty empty, and it made the aroma of a cappuccino that much more potent. Maybe I'd also have a bombolone (custard-filled doughnut), or, to my Italian companion's chagrin, a panino. "We do not eat salty things for breakfast," he or she would inform me. Tell that to Denny's.

I decided this morning that I would proceed with the remainder of my Bar foray sans medicinal aid. Those study, er, vitamins were fun for a couple of days, but around 7:00 or 8:00 pm I felt like my eyes were bugging out and my limbs were unnervingly tingly. The two hours where the caffeine and modafinil were working in concert were fabulously mood-enhancing, but why do I need to feel like a chipmunk on steroids? No need to take the Bar exam feeling as if I were Robert Downey, Jr., or Sam Kinison, or Tony Little (the blond guy with the ponytail who peddles the Gazelle, no pun intended). Caffeine, you've been good to me these many years, and along with lovely memories of Italian mornings, you're all I will need next week.

This has been a good week -- for some reason, I think that it carries a feeling or mood I will always remember and refer back to. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a few private, nervous breakdowns, but unlike the past, they were ones I could contain and address quickly and neatly. Being by myself so much, with earplugs constantly tacked in, has helped me develop a new appreciation for silence.

I'm going to Cedars-Sinai tonight to see my cousin's new baby boy. I'm just an infinitesimal speck in the scheme of life swirling around me. Perspective is everything.

posted by Lucy Sloan @ 11:40 AM