Where has it gone? The day has dragged on and on, and only at this point, two-thirds through my day, do I feel a little bit normal at all. I wonder where my good mood went. I took some St. John's Wort in search of it, I went on a jog hoping to find it around the neighborhood, I had two cups of coffee to encourage its return. I sorely need my good humor back.It has been hard, this Bar stuff. I am constantly reminding myself what it's all for and the promise of wonderful things to come. I do believe it, and I tell myself 100 times a day, you must refuse to give up. I think of my dad squeezing my shoulders, sometime in the middle of this week. It was before I was going to go up to sing in front of a bunch of Chinese veterans. He asked, "How's the studying?" and laughed nervously, as he always does. Then, "We're going to do it this time." Then he left suddenly and I was going onstage.
It was quick and probably not too premeditated, but those words stuck with me all week. Because it was my dad, and all that. This isn't the forum to discuss my habitual bouts with guilt and how that has shaped me to be the positive and sunny patsy I now am today. But you've known me awhile, you know the whole story, and you know my soft spots. And I am so glad for that -- that you know me. That's one of those things that will bring my good humor back.
posted by Lucy Sloan @ 6:29 PM
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