It's not that I am a career blogger, or that I don't have a day job or other interests, but there are just times when I have a lot to say. I am a loss as to what to do with myself right now. I can't help being overly emotional or even a bit irrational. I just wish there were something more that I could do.
I haven't set foot in a hospital since I was 5 years old, and that was in Taiwan. Today, I was in 2. I went to an animal one and then a people one, and walked desolately out of both. Nobody is comfortable with pain and suffering, but I am downright prissy about it. But when it hits you on a personal level, I respond with whatever maternal and feminine instincts I am biologically entitled to. And where Dozer is concerned, it is doubly difficult to withstand.
I am going to be as optimistic as I can be, but there is something horribly Chinese in me in always having to expect the worst. Tracy passed me some research that was damning but I would not have preferred to not know about it.
I wanted the best for him, for his retirement years to fade elegantly and for him to be able to ring in the year 2010 with me. And if anybody ever dismisses my histrionics by saying, oh, he was just a cat, I would cast a cutting gaze onto them that would make Medusa proud. I am not a silly sentimental or a rabid Hello Kitty fan. I am just a loyal caretaker entrusted with a unique little creature, who would stay up late with me into the night, who watched me write English papers and legal briefs and rambling blogs, who would always stay by me and peer lazily at me with his chocolate brown eyes, who would take his fat pink paws and massage my shoulder, who would hear keys jingling at the door and be the first to greet me. The heart is big enough to love so many things, and it is a privilege to give selflessly without expecting a pet to return the investment with dumb tricks or sloppy face-licking. But I am not dog-bashing here. I am just saying that the sight of Dozer's perfection was always enough.
Over the weekend, I joked that among all the crap in my purse, I had the cure for cancer. I should have bit my tongue.
posted by Lucy Sloan @ 11:22 AM
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