It is a lot to feel like you've gained and lost the world in such a short time. I can't figure out if I'm depressed or bored, or both. Certainly, I wouldn't mind just being one or the other. I think that years from now I will look back on this time and call myself stupid. I will call myself naive and spoiled and foolish for allowing myself to mope and moon over things when I really had it all. This leaden feeling that possesses me seemingly has no source; usually it would be because I felt overweight, had money woes, was doing poorly in school and my professional future jeopardized, or was involved in a lame fight with someone in my family which threatened the very fundamental sense of security a person could have about being loved. I still have my youth. I still have my looks - at least as much I am biologically allowed. I have enough money and there are no practical problems in my life.
It's not that I think the world owes me anything. I think it's that I distinctly feel as if I have nothing to give the world.
They say, the end of something means the start of something else.
More than a year ago, I would have never anticipated this kind of depression. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
posted by Lucy Sloan @ 10:59 AM
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